Even though the motivation for this blog came after I heard that a 'friend' of mine lied to me (I am still not sure if it was a lie), I will try to abstract the word 'lie' and possible reasons for our urge to lie.
I have always felt "It is not about the number of friends you have, it is about the number of people who consider you as a friend. So a 'friend' is not your friend, but rather one who considers you as a 'friend' ".. seems good enough for a Rajini movie's punch dialogue :P
We all lie, have lied and will lie (how else can we sleep in the night? :P). When a passerby or our friends ask 'how are you', we mostly reply 'fine' / 'good'. And there is one example!
Lying for fun - Isn't this the coolest thing? For a few seconds or minutes we enjoy the moment. We deceived others! There seems to be some joy in it. Maybe it explains the inherent nature in us. Think April 1st.
We may lie to feel happy / escape punishment - The famous statement "I had nothing to do with it" Even though, we know we had everything to do with it ;), is one example. We want others to respect us always, never want the outside world to look down upon us. We don't dare to lose our image, no one shall remove the veil on our face.
We may lie to make sure that the other person does not feel jealous - Remember how we used to reduce or increase our test scores back in school? Childish though it may seem now, it has just taken other forms (income for instance) as we grow up. Once again, we try to mold how others think about us.
We may lie to ward off ego clashes - similar to the above but a subtle difference (jealousy vs ego) in the motivation behind the lie (others vs you)
We may lie to make others feel good - Child: Is my painting good? Father: It's so cute! It's awesome. Wife: I tried this recipe, how is it? Husband: It's delicious! Mother: Are you eating well? Son: Oh yeah, by all means :P
Except for the last reason, every time we lie, I think we gather some negative energy. I can never feel comfortable after I lie. More so if I am able to see that the other person is lying. Some people get used to it, they become immune to it, they just digest it. I am still learning.
And then there are lies that we say to hide the lies that we said before that. Because truth is always the same but a lie has the potential to take multiple forms. So then, we have to keep track of what lie we said and to whom we said (to save us an embarrassment :P). The cycle continues. We all know this, but just cannot stop lying for whatever reason!
I am reminded of the following quotes,
सत्यस्य वचनं श्रेय: | सत्यादपि हितंवदेत् । | यद्भूतहितमत्यन्तं ऐतत् सत्यं मतं मम ॥ Speaking the truth is good. But, more than truth, speak that which will benefit others. That which results in the welfare of beings is the real truth and that is my (Sage NAradA's) opinion.
"பொய்மையும் வாய்மை யிடத்த புரைதீர்ந்த
நன்மை பயக்கும் எனின். " (ThirukkuRaL by ThiruvaLLuvar)- If it will result in blemish-free good / benefit, even a lie can be considered to be true.
Beauty is truth, truth beauty - that is all
Ye know on earth, and all ye need to know - John Keats
So, when I thought my 'friend' lied to me, it did hurt me. I can never guess why my friend lied to me (if it was indeed a lie). But, my own definition of 'friend' and 'lie' soon made me feel lighter.
I have always felt "It is not about the number of friends you have, it is about the number of people who consider you as a friend. So a 'friend' is not your friend, but rather one who considers you as a 'friend' ".. seems good enough for a Rajini movie's punch dialogue :P
We all lie, have lied and will lie (how else can we sleep in the night? :P). When a passerby or our friends ask 'how are you', we mostly reply 'fine' / 'good'. And there is one example!
Lying for fun - Isn't this the coolest thing? For a few seconds or minutes we enjoy the moment. We deceived others! There seems to be some joy in it. Maybe it explains the inherent nature in us. Think April 1st.
We may lie to feel happy / escape punishment - The famous statement "I had nothing to do with it" Even though, we know we had everything to do with it ;), is one example. We want others to respect us always, never want the outside world to look down upon us. We don't dare to lose our image, no one shall remove the veil on our face.
We may lie to make sure that the other person does not feel jealous - Remember how we used to reduce or increase our test scores back in school? Childish though it may seem now, it has just taken other forms (income for instance) as we grow up. Once again, we try to mold how others think about us.
We may lie to ward off ego clashes - similar to the above but a subtle difference (jealousy vs ego) in the motivation behind the lie (others vs you)
We may lie to make others feel good - Child: Is my painting good? Father: It's so cute! It's awesome. Wife: I tried this recipe, how is it? Husband: It's delicious! Mother: Are you eating well? Son: Oh yeah, by all means :P
Except for the last reason, every time we lie, I think we gather some negative energy. I can never feel comfortable after I lie. More so if I am able to see that the other person is lying. Some people get used to it, they become immune to it, they just digest it. I am still learning.
And then there are lies that we say to hide the lies that we said before that. Because truth is always the same but a lie has the potential to take multiple forms. So then, we have to keep track of what lie we said and to whom we said (to save us an embarrassment :P). The cycle continues. We all know this, but just cannot stop lying for whatever reason!
I am reminded of the following quotes,
सत्यस्य वचनं श्रेय: | सत्यादपि हितंवदेत् । | यद्भूतहितमत्यन्तं ऐतत् सत्यं मतं मम ॥ Speaking the truth is good. But, more than truth, speak that which will benefit others. That which results in the welfare of beings is the real truth and that is my (Sage NAradA's) opinion.
"பொய்மையும் வாய்மை யிடத்த புரைதீர்ந்த
நன்மை பயக்கும் எனின். " (ThirukkuRaL by ThiruvaLLuvar)- If it will result in blemish-free good / benefit, even a lie can be considered to be true.
Beauty is truth, truth beauty - that is all
Ye know on earth, and all ye need to know - John Keats
So, when I thought my 'friend' lied to me, it did hurt me. I can never guess why my friend lied to me (if it was indeed a lie). But, my own definition of 'friend' and 'lie' soon made me feel lighter.
