Kalyani Narasimhan - (~) Oct 15, 1937 - Jan 28, 2012
She is fittingly my grand mother (referred as 'paatti' from now on). The grandest and greatest person to me, one step higher than even my immediate family members and I dedicate this blog to her as a simple token of all that she has done to me.
She told me that I was named Ram/Sriram as I was born when she was doing Rama japam. I was told that I was only two when my parents left me with my paatti when they had planned the holy trip to Kasi. So, my special attachment to her had begun even before I had any idea of who she is.
Born in the pre-independence era, I don't even need to investigate how 'wealthy' her family was. Hers was a family of at least 7. She had two elder sisters and two younger brothers. Her mother (Manga), whom I have the honor of seeing and interacting, it seems, had just one saree and after taking bath and washing the saree, used to dry one end while the other end drapes her! Such was her mother's dedication to her family that despite their poverty one of their sons received good education and would be fairly well placed in the society when he grows up (the other brother sacrificed his own education for this!). A few lines had to be said about her eldest sister (Indra). She was a revolutionist and was decades ahead of her period. That she, by her own will, spent most of her life as 'single' with her parents after getting married speaks volumes. Amidst such siblings in the beautiful temple town of Navalpakkam my paatti grew up. She was beautiful at 60, my earliest memories of her started a couple of years before that, and I can only imagine how beautiful she must have been when she was young! Thanks to the unpopularity of photography in her era, I am free to imagine a beautiful damsel.
I am not sure how educated she was. She could read and write a little, so must have definitely gone to mid school at the very least. But that says nothing about how sharp her mind was. She could crunch some numbers in her mind. One such repeated instance was the calculation of days. For example, if one wants to see what day of the week will be the 10th day from today. Her calculation goes like this "Innikku veLLi, veLLioda veLLi ettu, sani, gnayiru, gnayithu kizhamai di" (Today is Friday, from Friday to Friday is 8, Sat, Sun, Hey it is Sunday). I am sure many people with a masters will need a calendar to check this. And oh yes, she was half a civil engineer too! Drawing from her enormous experiences overseeing construction of several homes, she could precisely talk about the placement of doors, windows and shelves, sand:cement proportion, height of wall, thickness of basement/pillars/shelves anything and everything related to it. Contrast it with today's generation where people go for interior designers and outsource even where to place their TV. She also had a very sharp memory. That she had memorized many shlokas (verses) merely by listening to her father chanting everyday is proof enough!
My paatti was also an excellent wife and seems like was a daughter-in-law(DIL) par excellence. I am told that in those days (why, even now) it was extremely rare for a mother-in-law (MIL) to praise her DIL and my paatti got her MIL's praise whole heartedly, so much so that when her MIL passed away she called upon her son and made him promise that he would take good care of her. I think one needs to reflect on this a little more. A mother imploring her son to take good care of his wife. Normally, you would expect the request to be the other way. So much was her love for her DIL and that impressive must have been my paatti.
Her role as a wife was the most admirable and enigmatic. Let us put things in perspective. She was the wife of a cop (my grand father retired as inspector of police) and there was nothing soft that she could expect of him and his job. Transfers were not only frequent but were also on short notice. There were times she had to move overnight. She must have been a teenager when she was married to and to plan your household things so that you are ever ready to move is commendable! Ikea would have loved to interact with her. She had three children and so ridiculous were the places that they went and stayed, that she had put many all-nighters just to ensure her children slept safely, for they had some uninvited creeping guests in the form of scorpions and snakes! Add to it was the shielding job she had to do, shielding her children from their father's brunt and brute. Yet, my grandfather listened to my paatti's words and somehow he never used to bypass what she said. Their understanding and marriage life was beyond my understanding.
Three children became two quite early, adding to her emotional burden. It is to her credit that she remained strong even after this traumatic phase. Realizing that the transfers were taking a heavy toll on her son's education, she was wise enough to figure out that it was not in the best interest of her son, if he keeps moving with them. So, she sent her eldest son to his grandmother/uncle's place, so that he could study uninterrupted. So after begetting three gems she was content with watching over just one. In retrospect, leaving her son with her mother proved to be a master move.
My earliest memories of my paatti were our weekend visits to her place. There are only two places where I loved the food. One was at home and the other was at my paatti's. Oh my! Her dishes are beyond description here. Every dish had chosen, freshly ground spices making the dish rich in aroma and taste. Even as I write, I just cannot avoid drooling! How lucky my grand father must be. Three times a day, every day! Lucky chap! My unconscious love started taking shape. Visits to her village town (Thiruvahindhipuram) were always memorable. We played daya kattai (dice), kallangai (stones) and many many more, enjoyable and fun filled times those were!
First year engineering. My parents decided to put me in hostel and my grand parents disagreed and asked me to come over. So, at the age of 65, sixty five, my paatti had to turn back her clock. Thanks to the system of locating colleges in the outskirts and the mad rush to avoid traffic, college buses used to depart as early as 7 AM. And there she was, my paatti at the age of 65, meticulous in preparing my morning meal AND making sure I had something packed for lunch! Now, performing half of what she used to do, I still find it difficult to catch a bus at 10 AM and more often than not miss the 10 AM too. But, my paatti's record was clean. Not once was she late and not once did I have to miss my bus! Perhaps, there is a thing or two I have to learn from her planning and preparedness.
One year was a gift to me to be with a person I admired. I watched her closely. I went through live, one of her worst few minutes when her own brother had an emotional outburst that would haunt her for a few months. During this one year, I could roughly paint her past years in my mind. I nick named her 'cha cha' initialed for chamathu chakravarthy (supreme king of smartness). We went for walking together sharing stories, went shopping together - competing on whose bargaining power is bigger, went to temple together (till date her only relaxing task), secretly washed cooking vessels (for she would admonish me if she sees me). Her home (especially back in their village Thiruvahindipuram) was always open to guests. All one time guests who would come, use up space, have her hot coffee and delicious meals and would part just like that. Yes, it is fair to say she allowed some leeches to feed on her and had no qualms about it. Such was her altruism and the inclination to help without expecting anything in return.
She had a humorous side too. Her scoldings for instance. Oh yes, such a gentle soul she was that even when she scolds, it will actually be funny. Here goes some of her frequently used words when we were mischievous "badava rascal" (not to be taken literally :P), "thaliya thattan pannan" (the goldsmith made the mangal sutra - no idea what it means :P) "motta badava" (tonsured fellow).
She was the one to whom my mother, uncle, her siblings and many relatives and random friends shared some of their joy and successes and many of their problems and misgivings for others. Sometimes over phone, that will last for hours, and sometimes in person. In short, she was their pressure reliever or more particularly she was a 'never really full vessel' in which people used to pour out all their emotions. More often than not, she was expected to be a passive listener, because if she suggests something the other party will not be in the right mood to listen to it. She was a survivor once. Second time around she did not want to bear it, not that she could not, she did not want to. It is fair to say that she has gone through hell on earth, yet made it a heaven when she was with others. May Sriman Narayanan give her a place close to Him.
I will conclude with the five best things I like about her:
* Her shyness when I pull her leg (especially of her beauty)
* Her karacha maavu dosa (She makes it paper thin!)
* Her appalam kozhambhu
* Her kesari
* Her ability to digest all feelings and go about her task as if nothing had happened!
P.S. - The space between grand and mother(/father) is intentional.
She is fittingly my grand mother (referred as 'paatti' from now on). The grandest and greatest person to me, one step higher than even my immediate family members and I dedicate this blog to her as a simple token of all that she has done to me.
She told me that I was named Ram/Sriram as I was born when she was doing Rama japam. I was told that I was only two when my parents left me with my paatti when they had planned the holy trip to Kasi. So, my special attachment to her had begun even before I had any idea of who she is.
Born in the pre-independence era, I don't even need to investigate how 'wealthy' her family was. Hers was a family of at least 7. She had two elder sisters and two younger brothers. Her mother (Manga), whom I have the honor of seeing and interacting, it seems, had just one saree and after taking bath and washing the saree, used to dry one end while the other end drapes her! Such was her mother's dedication to her family that despite their poverty one of their sons received good education and would be fairly well placed in the society when he grows up (the other brother sacrificed his own education for this!). A few lines had to be said about her eldest sister (Indra). She was a revolutionist and was decades ahead of her period. That she, by her own will, spent most of her life as 'single' with her parents after getting married speaks volumes. Amidst such siblings in the beautiful temple town of Navalpakkam my paatti grew up. She was beautiful at 60, my earliest memories of her started a couple of years before that, and I can only imagine how beautiful she must have been when she was young! Thanks to the unpopularity of photography in her era, I am free to imagine a beautiful damsel.
I am not sure how educated she was. She could read and write a little, so must have definitely gone to mid school at the very least. But that says nothing about how sharp her mind was. She could crunch some numbers in her mind. One such repeated instance was the calculation of days. For example, if one wants to see what day of the week will be the 10th day from today. Her calculation goes like this "Innikku veLLi, veLLioda veLLi ettu, sani, gnayiru, gnayithu kizhamai di" (Today is Friday, from Friday to Friday is 8, Sat, Sun, Hey it is Sunday). I am sure many people with a masters will need a calendar to check this. And oh yes, she was half a civil engineer too! Drawing from her enormous experiences overseeing construction of several homes, she could precisely talk about the placement of doors, windows and shelves, sand:cement proportion, height of wall, thickness of basement/pillars/shelves anything and everything related to it. Contrast it with today's generation where people go for interior designers and outsource even where to place their TV. She also had a very sharp memory. That she had memorized many shlokas (verses) merely by listening to her father chanting everyday is proof enough!
My paatti was also an excellent wife and seems like was a daughter-in-law(DIL) par excellence. I am told that in those days (why, even now) it was extremely rare for a mother-in-law (MIL) to praise her DIL and my paatti got her MIL's praise whole heartedly, so much so that when her MIL passed away she called upon her son and made him promise that he would take good care of her. I think one needs to reflect on this a little more. A mother imploring her son to take good care of his wife. Normally, you would expect the request to be the other way. So much was her love for her DIL and that impressive must have been my paatti.
Her role as a wife was the most admirable and enigmatic. Let us put things in perspective. She was the wife of a cop (my grand father retired as inspector of police) and there was nothing soft that she could expect of him and his job. Transfers were not only frequent but were also on short notice. There were times she had to move overnight. She must have been a teenager when she was married to and to plan your household things so that you are ever ready to move is commendable! Ikea would have loved to interact with her. She had three children and so ridiculous were the places that they went and stayed, that she had put many all-nighters just to ensure her children slept safely, for they had some uninvited creeping guests in the form of scorpions and snakes! Add to it was the shielding job she had to do, shielding her children from their father's brunt and brute. Yet, my grandfather listened to my paatti's words and somehow he never used to bypass what she said. Their understanding and marriage life was beyond my understanding.
Three children became two quite early, adding to her emotional burden. It is to her credit that she remained strong even after this traumatic phase. Realizing that the transfers were taking a heavy toll on her son's education, she was wise enough to figure out that it was not in the best interest of her son, if he keeps moving with them. So, she sent her eldest son to his grandmother/uncle's place, so that he could study uninterrupted. So after begetting three gems she was content with watching over just one. In retrospect, leaving her son with her mother proved to be a master move.
My earliest memories of my paatti were our weekend visits to her place. There are only two places where I loved the food. One was at home and the other was at my paatti's. Oh my! Her dishes are beyond description here. Every dish had chosen, freshly ground spices making the dish rich in aroma and taste. Even as I write, I just cannot avoid drooling! How lucky my grand father must be. Three times a day, every day! Lucky chap! My unconscious love started taking shape. Visits to her village town (Thiruvahindhipuram) were always memorable. We played daya kattai (dice), kallangai (stones) and many many more, enjoyable and fun filled times those were!
First year engineering. My parents decided to put me in hostel and my grand parents disagreed and asked me to come over. So, at the age of 65, sixty five, my paatti had to turn back her clock. Thanks to the system of locating colleges in the outskirts and the mad rush to avoid traffic, college buses used to depart as early as 7 AM. And there she was, my paatti at the age of 65, meticulous in preparing my morning meal AND making sure I had something packed for lunch! Now, performing half of what she used to do, I still find it difficult to catch a bus at 10 AM and more often than not miss the 10 AM too. But, my paatti's record was clean. Not once was she late and not once did I have to miss my bus! Perhaps, there is a thing or two I have to learn from her planning and preparedness.
One year was a gift to me to be with a person I admired. I watched her closely. I went through live, one of her worst few minutes when her own brother had an emotional outburst that would haunt her for a few months. During this one year, I could roughly paint her past years in my mind. I nick named her 'cha cha' initialed for chamathu chakravarthy (supreme king of smartness). We went for walking together sharing stories, went shopping together - competing on whose bargaining power is bigger, went to temple together (till date her only relaxing task), secretly washed cooking vessels (for she would admonish me if she sees me). Her home (especially back in their village Thiruvahindipuram) was always open to guests. All one time guests who would come, use up space, have her hot coffee and delicious meals and would part just like that. Yes, it is fair to say she allowed some leeches to feed on her and had no qualms about it. Such was her altruism and the inclination to help without expecting anything in return.
She had a humorous side too. Her scoldings for instance. Oh yes, such a gentle soul she was that even when she scolds, it will actually be funny. Here goes some of her frequently used words when we were mischievous "badava rascal" (not to be taken literally :P), "thaliya thattan pannan" (the goldsmith made the mangal sutra - no idea what it means :P) "motta badava" (tonsured fellow).
She was the one to whom my mother, uncle, her siblings and many relatives and random friends shared some of their joy and successes and many of their problems and misgivings for others. Sometimes over phone, that will last for hours, and sometimes in person. In short, she was their pressure reliever or more particularly she was a 'never really full vessel' in which people used to pour out all their emotions. More often than not, she was expected to be a passive listener, because if she suggests something the other party will not be in the right mood to listen to it. She was a survivor once. Second time around she did not want to bear it, not that she could not, she did not want to. It is fair to say that she has gone through hell on earth, yet made it a heaven when she was with others. May Sriman Narayanan give her a place close to Him.
I will conclude with the five best things I like about her:
* Her shyness when I pull her leg (especially of her beauty)
* Her karacha maavu dosa (She makes it paper thin!)
* Her appalam kozhambhu
* Her kesari
* Her ability to digest all feelings and go about her task as if nothing had happened!
P.S. - The space between grand and mother(/father) is intentional.
I was also a very lucky person to have been brought up by my paati. Her self confidence and will power, is something that I not only admire but also wish to cultivate in me. I am a blessed soul, as I was the last kid to be completely taken care of by her. Because, rest of my cousin's mothers got scared with the way I became so close to my paati than my own mother. They didnt want their kids to be the same as well. But I beilieve its their's and their kid's loss, that they didnt experience life and grew up as I did. A fitting blog to dedicate to all our Paati's without whom we can't be as successful as we are now.
ReplyDeleteBrilliant article bala err ram! Reminded of my paati so much now. Thats one thing I hate about being in this wretched country. Cant go at our will! I have literally grown up with my paati for 21 years in my life and it would be an understatement to say she has done more than what my mom has ever done for me. That doesn't put my mom down in any way. it only glorifies my paati! I am sure you still miss her too.
ReplyDeleteThanks Abhinay. Absolutely!
DeleteBallu Bhai.. that was a great dedication to paatti... I am very much reminded of my paatti.. I was with her for my initial 5 years and then moved on to Madras for my schooling! She passed away when I was teaching at SVCE. She was perfectly alright when I left home for college. After I came back she said some headache and wanted to lie on my lap....It was really a very painful moment, when she waited for me to come back from college and breathed her last on my lap with me helplessly watching her ... I still curse myself for not being able to do anything ... I miss her a lot.. the one with whom I was greatly attached to ...
ReplyDelete- Arulalan Rajan
Hi Bala,
ReplyDeleteVery nice way of expressing your relation and emotions about your paatti. Thanks for sharing.
Ashok