Even though the motivation for this blog came after I heard that a 'friend' of mine lied to me (I am still not sure if it was a lie), I will try to abstract the word 'lie' and possible reasons for our urge to lie.
I have always felt "It is not about the number of friends you have, it is about the number of people who consider you as a friend. So a 'friend' is not your friend, but rather one who considers you as a 'friend' ".. seems good enough for a Rajini movie's punch dialogue :P
We all lie, have lied and will lie (how else can we sleep in the night? :P). When a passerby or our friends ask 'how are you', we mostly reply 'fine' / 'good'. And there is one example!
Lying for fun - Isn't this the coolest thing? For a few seconds or minutes we enjoy the moment. We deceived others! There seems to be some joy in it. Maybe it explains the inherent nature in us. Think April 1st.
We may lie to feel happy / escape punishment - The famous statement "I had nothing to do with it" Even though, we know we had everything to do with it ;), is one example. We want others to respect us always, never want the outside world to look down upon us. We don't dare to lose our image, no one shall remove the veil on our face.
We may lie to make sure that the other person does not feel jealous - Remember how we used to reduce or increase our test scores back in school? Childish though it may seem now, it has just taken other forms (income for instance) as we grow up. Once again, we try to mold how others think about us.
We may lie to ward off ego clashes - similar to the above but a subtle difference (jealousy vs ego) in the motivation behind the lie (others vs you)
We may lie to make others feel good - Child: Is my painting good? Father: It's so cute! It's awesome. Wife: I tried this recipe, how is it? Husband: It's delicious! Mother: Are you eating well? Son: Oh yeah, by all means :P
Except for the last reason, every time we lie, I think we gather some negative energy. I can never feel comfortable after I lie. More so if I am able to see that the other person is lying. Some people get used to it, they become immune to it, they just digest it. I am still learning.
And then there are lies that we say to hide the lies that we said before that. Because truth is always the same but a lie has the potential to take multiple forms. So then, we have to keep track of what lie we said and to whom we said (to save us an embarrassment :P). The cycle continues. We all know this, but just cannot stop lying for whatever reason!
I am reminded of the following quotes,
सत्यस्य वचनं श्रेय: | सत्यादपि हितंवदेत् । | यद्भूतहितमत्यन्तं ऐतत् सत्यं मतं मम ॥ Speaking the truth is good. But, more than truth, speak that which will benefit others. That which results in the welfare of beings is the real truth and that is my (Sage NAradA's) opinion.
"பொய்மையும் வாய்மை யிடத்த புரைதீர்ந்த
நன்மை பயக்கும் எனின். " (ThirukkuRaL by ThiruvaLLuvar)- If it will result in blemish-free good / benefit, even a lie can be considered to be true.
Beauty is truth, truth beauty - that is all
Ye know on earth, and all ye need to know - John Keats
So, when I thought my 'friend' lied to me, it did hurt me. I can never guess why my friend lied to me (if it was indeed a lie). But, my own definition of 'friend' and 'lie' soon made me feel lighter.
I have always felt "It is not about the number of friends you have, it is about the number of people who consider you as a friend. So a 'friend' is not your friend, but rather one who considers you as a 'friend' ".. seems good enough for a Rajini movie's punch dialogue :P
We all lie, have lied and will lie (how else can we sleep in the night? :P). When a passerby or our friends ask 'how are you', we mostly reply 'fine' / 'good'. And there is one example!
Lying for fun - Isn't this the coolest thing? For a few seconds or minutes we enjoy the moment. We deceived others! There seems to be some joy in it. Maybe it explains the inherent nature in us. Think April 1st.
We may lie to feel happy / escape punishment - The famous statement "I had nothing to do with it" Even though, we know we had everything to do with it ;), is one example. We want others to respect us always, never want the outside world to look down upon us. We don't dare to lose our image, no one shall remove the veil on our face.
We may lie to make sure that the other person does not feel jealous - Remember how we used to reduce or increase our test scores back in school? Childish though it may seem now, it has just taken other forms (income for instance) as we grow up. Once again, we try to mold how others think about us.
We may lie to ward off ego clashes - similar to the above but a subtle difference (jealousy vs ego) in the motivation behind the lie (others vs you)
We may lie to make others feel good - Child: Is my painting good? Father: It's so cute! It's awesome. Wife: I tried this recipe, how is it? Husband: It's delicious! Mother: Are you eating well? Son: Oh yeah, by all means :P
Except for the last reason, every time we lie, I think we gather some negative energy. I can never feel comfortable after I lie. More so if I am able to see that the other person is lying. Some people get used to it, they become immune to it, they just digest it. I am still learning.
And then there are lies that we say to hide the lies that we said before that. Because truth is always the same but a lie has the potential to take multiple forms. So then, we have to keep track of what lie we said and to whom we said (to save us an embarrassment :P). The cycle continues. We all know this, but just cannot stop lying for whatever reason!
I am reminded of the following quotes,
सत्यस्य वचनं श्रेय: | सत्यादपि हितंवदेत् । | यद्भूतहितमत्यन्तं ऐतत् सत्यं मतं मम ॥ Speaking the truth is good. But, more than truth, speak that which will benefit others. That which results in the welfare of beings is the real truth and that is my (Sage NAradA's) opinion.
"பொய்மையும் வாய்மை யிடத்த புரைதீர்ந்த
நன்மை பயக்கும் எனின். " (ThirukkuRaL by ThiruvaLLuvar)- If it will result in blemish-free good / benefit, even a lie can be considered to be true.
Beauty is truth, truth beauty - that is all
Ye know on earth, and all ye need to know - John Keats
So, when I thought my 'friend' lied to me, it did hurt me. I can never guess why my friend lied to me (if it was indeed a lie). But, my own definition of 'friend' and 'lie' soon made me feel lighter.
"Some people... I am still learning." Please don't.
ReplyDelete"Some.. learning" was a reaction to others' lies. I do want to learn.
ReplyDeleteyes, I know. Will still stick to what I said. don't learn...
ReplyDeleteAlthough becoming getting used to/immune to/digesting others' lies is distinct & far from lying yourself, it begins to instill the concept of tolerance/acceptance towards falsehood, making _you_ more vulnerable to lie (subconsciously). It may seem futile to be upset/hurt over being betrayed by someone but it is indirectly reinforcing the respect & ethical importance the concept of 'truth' assumes in your life. So let it.
Digesting does not mean tolerance, nor does immunity mean acceptance(don't think biology here :P). And if you are immune to lies, you cannot be vulnerable to them right ;)?(think biology here :P).. And as I said, each lie disperses some negative energy and by getting hurt/upset we are collecting them within ourselves and will have to find a way to vent it (anger, frustration etc). And hence my line. By being cheated I lost the battle, now by acknowledging it further I don't want to lose the war too. I will reserve all the negative energy for the person and be happy. Unless the lie has an external bearing I would let it pass.
ReplyDeleteIt was a good post. You highlighted the various aspects of lies. I have a question for you. Even when you have said lying spreads negative energy, what will you say to this? When a doctor tells a patient who is not well that you are fine and will recover soon. Does not that moral boost actually spread some positive energy in the mind of the patient and make him feel better.
ReplyDeleteExcept for the last reason (We may lie to make others feel good), every time we lie, I think we gather some negative energy..
ReplyDeleteSo, the doctor may not be absorbing anything negative, if he feels his lie will help the patient. If he does not feel so, then he must not be lying in the first place :)
But then the doctor will get good wishes, blessings from the patient and his family members which will be positive energy for him.
ReplyDeleteI did not discuss about the implications of the 'last' lie. The moment we think of 'our' benefit before using the 'last' lie, it no longer falls into that category :)
ReplyDeletehaha wow simply *love* the references to biology!!
ReplyDeleteabout negative energies: Energy can neither be created nor destroyed, only transformed. So I agree that you will find a way to vent it. But it may not necessarily be in the same, i.e. just as negative a form. 'I will reserve all the negative energy for the person and be happy.' is a hasty, 'selfish' response. The 'evils' are by default willing to reside where they can perpetuate effortlessly (without an opposition from the person's conscious) & are therefore repelled by you. I'd rather have the negative energies find their way to those capable of curbing its negativity the most... so if you think you're absorbing -ve energies by being hurt/upset, it could just be a sign that the power to transform it also rests with you, that you just haven't realized... & if you still think you're 'loosing' the battle, its not over yet!
Also.. "Except for the last reason, every time we lie, I think we gather some negative energy."... I think the 1st 2 instances should also be included here.. they're white lies, no?
A thought provoking post. How deeply you've thought abt this & how well you articulate those thoughts, esp in response to my earlier comment, just astounds me. Keep writing.
ReplyDeleteTo quote Max Planck on his b'day.. “It is not the possession of truth, but the success which attends the seeking after it, that enriches the seeker and brings happiness to him.” :-)
Exactly.. knowing my capacity I will prefer not to take it.
ReplyDelete"Energy .. transformed." I believe in this science but not when it comes to philosophy. I believe energy can both be created and destroyed and hence did not quote those lines even though I was about to quote it.
2nd lie definitely does not fall into the last category in my opinion. 1st lie is debatable. But, looking at the intention behind the lie, even that does not, based on my classification.
And thanks!
I was reading something by C. S. Lewis today & stumbled on this quote... "If you look for truth, you may find comfort in the end; if you look for comfort you will not get either comfort or truth only soft soap and wishful thinking to begin, and in the end, despair." which reminded me of your post & hence the comment.
ReplyDelete